All of Me Read online

Page 23


  Stella became frantic to get at him. She pulled and yanked and struggled against the handcuffs, already knowing there was no way out. She dug her heels into the mattress and pressed herself farther into Nathan’s mouth; gasping in pleasure/pain when his warm, wet tongue flicked her in the same way his fingers had just moments before.

  Nathan lifted his head and met her eyes. The way his lips were glistening turned her on beyond words. And frustrated her to the point of pain. He was playing with her and, while she commended him on his admirable prowess, she’d had enough.

  “Uncuff me, Nathan. Now.” She struggled against them. When Nathan’s lips curled into a sly smile, Stella lost it. “Nathan! Uncuff me! I am not screwing around!” Stella tried bringing her arms down in front, but Nathan was on top of her – pinning them above her head – before she’d gotten far.

  “Not so fast, Little One,” he whispered, still sporting that irritating grin. “You said you were mine…that your body belonged to me.” Stella groaned, biting her bottom lip hard, when he ground his pelvis into the cradle of her body. “Were you lying?”

  Nathan dipped his head down and took her nipple into his mouth. He sucked and tugged until Stella writhing beneath him. He pressed a few gentle kisses to her nipple and met her eyes again. “Well, were you?”

  “Was I what?” Stella barely managed to croak out the words past her dry mouth and throat. She was panting. Had been for a while.

  Nathan chuckled, low and deep. “Lying, Little One. When you said your body belonged to me and that I could do whatever I wanted to you.” Stella extended her neck in an attempt to get at Nathan’s mouth, but he pulled back with another laugh. “Were you lying?”

  “No.” That was all she could manage. Because she felt like she was going to pass out. Her body was overheated and strung out and if he didn’t hurry up and give her release, Stella was pretty sure she was going to black out.

  Her core was aching; her labia swollen and on fire. Her nipples were stinging from the scratch of his scruff and her wrists were tender from being battered against the cuffs. He wouldn’t kiss her or let her touch him and it was driving her insane.

  Nathan had devised a new torture - kissing up and down her inner thighs; bringing his lips just close enough to her ache to give her hope, but then trailing back down her leg. A few repetitions of that and Stella’s entire body began shaking – hard. So hard Nathan felt it and paused in his exquisite torture.

  Nathan looked up her body and saw the tears streaming out of the corners of Stella’s eyes.

  He looked stricken. His face went pale as he cradled her face. “Oh, my God, Stella. What’s wrong?”

  She knew her eyes were wide and wet and dazed. And her teeth were chattering. “Hurry, Nathan. Please…” Her voice was strangled and hoarse.

  “What, baby? Undo the cuffs? Are they hurting you?”

  Nathan jumped off the bed and grabbed the key ring off his utility belt. He ran back and, after fumbling with it for a few seconds, finally found the key. He unlocked them and tossed the cuffs and keys onto the floor.

  Stella jumped him. She shoved at his shoulders, pressing him backwards until his back hit the mattress. She braced her palms on his biceps, straddled him, and sank down onto his erection. Hard. Tip to base in fell swoop.

  He stretched her and filled her and hit her G spot like he’d been made for her. It was the mind-blowing feeling – the release - she’d been struggling toward since Nathan had started this game and Stella gave herself over to it. She dug her fingernails into his flesh and screamed out his name as she milked him again and again; riding out the massive orgasm as she rode him.

  Stella was barely coherent enough to hear Nathan’s yell as he thrust into her one hard, last time before breaking apart.

  He came beneath her. Into her. And, before she knew it, another orgasm slammed into her. A minute later, Stella’s arms gave out and she dropped onto his chest – a quivering, sweaty, sated mess.

  They lay there like that for what might felt like hours. Neither one of them doing much more than breathing. If Nathan was experiencing anything close to what Stella was, he couldn’t move.

  Stella’s arms and legs were like dead weights and the rest of her was tingling. She was light-headed and a little disoriented. She wasn’t sure if it had been the devious sexual torture or her two immense orgasms or all of the above, but something had knocked her off-kilter.

  “Stella?” Nathan asked, his voice as hoarse and tight as Stella knew hers would be.

  “Hmmm-hmmm?”

  “You okay?” Nathan rolled a little so they were side to side. He brushed her hair off of her face.

  “Hmmm-hmmm.” Stella snuggled her face into Nathan’s bicep.

  A few minutes of silence went by.

  “I’m sorry about that, Stella,” Nathan said very softly. So softly, Stella wondered if she’d dreamed it.

  She cracked her lids open to find him staring at her with his worried expression. “For what, my love?”

  A mortified expression crossed his face. Nathan swallowed hard. “For the handcuff business.” He shook his head slightly. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Stella smiled. “I know exactly you were thinking. You wanted to have a little sexual power play fun with your girlfriend.” She clucked her tongue, shaking her head playfully. “Naughty, naughty, Officer Drazek. Somebody likes to dominate their woman now and again, huh?”

  Nathan flushed redder.

  Stella propped her head up on her elbow and trailed a fingertip over his patch tattoos. She met his eyes and smiled coyly. “Was it as hot as you thought it would be?”

  “God, yes,” Nathan whispered, hoarsely and with such vehemence that Stella laughed. “But you were crying. And shaking. I thought for sure I’d hurt you.”

  When Stella exclaimed, “You did! I’ve never been that frustrated in my life – and I get frustrated a lot.” Stella lazily caressed his bare shoulder and bicep. “But it was a good sort of pain. At least until the end there when I thought my head was going to explode.” She nestled back into the crook of his arm. “I liked being restrained, but I think I can only take it in small doses. I love touching you way too much. Plus, not being able to get at what I wanted was enough to really irritate me.”

  Stella circled his nipple with her fingertip; adoring the way it contracted under her touch. She tilted her head back to meet Nathan’s eyes. “Next time it’s my turn.”

  His brows dropped. “To what?”

  “Restrain you.” Stella flicked his nipple and really enjoyed watching his eyes glaze over.

  Nathan shook his head vehemently, making Stella rear back. “What? You don’t trust me?”

  “Hell, no.”

  Stella laughed. “Probably good decision-making there, officer. Cause I’d really do a number on you.”

  “Trust me, you’ve done a number on me already,” Nathan muttered, shutting his eyes.

  “Before you fall asleep, you know I loved it, right, Nathan? And that I love you?”

  Nathan yawned and gathered her closer to his chest. He pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head and exhaled a long breath. “Yeah. And I already know we’ll be discussing it and a whole bunch of other shit ad nauseum when I wake up, so let me catch a couple of hours, ‘kay, Stell?”

  He was asleep before Stella could force him into a discussion about a particular fantasy she’d always had about getting frisked for weapons.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Nathan’s answered his cell with, “How was your appointment?”

  “Nathan, can you come over? Now?”

  Stella sounded like hell. All congested like she’d been crying and there was an odd, tight restraint in her voice.

  “Why? What happened?” Nathan waved away Danny’s mouthed questions. “Is it…bad?”

  “Nathan…” Stella started crying.

  Nathan pulled the car out of the neighborhood he and Danny had been patrolling and headed in Stella’s direction.
“Stella! Goddamn it! Tell me what is going on!”

  Nathan heard some phone shuffling.

  “Nathan, it’s Kat. I know you’re worried and that’s perfectly understandable, but Stella needs to talk to you in person. As soon as possible. When do you think you can get here?”

  “I’m on my way.” Nathan flipped on the lights and drove through traffic as safely, but as quickly, as he could. He looked both ways before speeding through an intersection. “Kat, can you please tell me what the hell is going on?”

  Kat was silent for a moment. “I really can’t, Nathan. I’m sorry. I’ll see you when you get here, okay?”

  Nathan hung up and concentrated on getting across town as quickly as possible.

  “What’s going on, D?”

  Shit. Nathan had forgotten Danny was in the car.

  “Remember when you talked to that friend of yours from the softball league and you told you Stella had been sick last year?”

  “Yeah,” Danny replied.

  “She had cancer. Breast cancer.”

  “Jesus…” Danny gestured to the phone Nathan was still clutching. “And, what? Is she sick again?”

  “Maybe.”

  Probably.

  Nathan couldn’t breathe. He tried to inhale air into his lungs, but it wasn’t working. His chest was too tight. Or maybe there wasn’t enough air in the car.

  He rolled down his window and gulped in the warm night air. His palms were slick against the smooth leather of the steering wheel. Nathan wiped them down the front of his pants, which didn’t help much since polyester didn’t absorb worth a shit.

  “Even if she is sick, it doesn’t matter. Won’t matter at all,” Nathan started rambling. He didn’t know if he was talking to himself, Danny, or a higher power. But he knew he needed to keep talking. “She’ll get through it. She survived it once and she’ll do it again. No doubt about it.”

  “That chick is tough,” Danny said, nodding. “If anyone can kick cancer’s ass, it’s her. I’m with you, bro…no doubt Stella will come out of this just fine. Just fucking fine, if you ask me.”

  Now Danny was rambling.

  Two grown ass men – police officers, no less – and they were babbling to each other like incoherent babies.

  Stella would have laughed if she’d been there.

  Only she’s not here. She’s at home. Sick. With cancer invading her body. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Or take away the pain and misery coming her way. Again.

  “Maybe they caught it early,” Danny was saying. “These doctors, they can perform some miraculous shit. They catch that stuff early and it’s no big deal, you know? Remember Michaelson? He had ass cancer, but they caught that shit early and it’s all good now. He’s gotta shit in a bag, but…”

  Nathan turned onto Stella’s street and pulled into her driveway. He yanked the keys out of the ignition and bolted up to her door, leaving his cruiser door wide open.

  He smacked Stella’s screen door open. “Stella!” A second later, three of Stella’s sisters and her sister-in-law emerged from the kitchen.

  “She’s out back with Kat,” Nina said.

  When Nathan stormed toward the door wall, Nina stepped in his way, but he just stepped around her.

  “Nathan, wait!” she called out.

  But no one and nothing was going to keep him from Stella. Nathan needed to see her. Touch her. Hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine. Assure her that – no matter what – he wouldn’t be leaving her side. And that he would love her no matter what.

  Nathan slid open the door wall to find Kat and Stella sitting in her deck chairs. Kat was holding one of Stella’s hands and Stella was dragging a ball of wadded across her eyes.

  “Hey,” she said, her voice gravelly. Stella cleared her throat and smiled. “Sorry about the theatrics. I just really needed to see you.”

  “Is your cancer back?” Nathan demanded.

  Kat grabbed her cane and, with surprising agility and strength, hoisted herself out of the chair. “I’ll be inside, Stella. If you need me.” She patted Nathan’s arm before making he way inside.

  Nathan pulled the chair Kat had been sitting in next to Stella and sat down. He grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Everything is going to be fine, Stella. I promise you that. We will get you the best care – best doctors, best hospitals, best everything. We can move in together and I’ll take care of you. Or get you a home nurse.” Nathan kissed the back of her hand. “You’ve survived this once and you’ll do it again. You’ll –“

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Preg…nant. Preg. Nant. Pregnant.

  A baby. Inside of Stella. That he’d put there.

  Oh, God, no.

  “Pregnant?” Nathan repeated.

  Stella exhaled a laugh. “I can’t believe I’m saying it. I never thought in a million years I’d ever get to say those words. But here I am.” Her dark eyes were glistening with tears – happy ones, apparently – and they were shining more brightly than Nathan had ever seen them shine before. “I’m pregnant, Nathan.”

  Nathan was stunned. There was no other word to describe the jumble of confusion and disbelief bouncing around his head.

  “You’re pregnant?”

  “I know it’s surprising. To say the least. But there’s no doubt about it. My doctor did a urine test – to check before he scheduled my biopsy. It’s a formality they always do for women in their childbearing years. When that came back positive, they did a blood test. And it was positive too.” Tears gathered in her eyes and clung to her long, dark lashes. Stella smiled at him through her elated tears. “I know you’re freaked out and I am too, but this…this is such a blessing, Nathan. We are so very, very blessed.”

  “You said you couldn’t get pregnant.”

  “I didn’t think I could! All of my oncologists said it would be next to impossible.”

  “Well, ‘next to impossible’ isn’t quite the same as ‘impossible,’ is it, Stella?”

  Stella’s smile faded. The pained expression that replaced it tore at his soul. “Are you upset because you think you won’t be a good father? I know you said that, but-”

  “I’m not upset! I’m fucking pissed!” Nathan stood up so fast he knocked the chair backwards. He kicked it off her deck.

  Nathan grabbed at the back of his neck and scoffed. “You told me you couldn’t get pregnant, so I didn’t use anything. But here you are – fucking pregnant – and now I’m fucking screwed!”

  Stella stared up at him wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

  He sneered. “And what was all that holier-than-thou bullshit about me going around not using protection because I might get someone pregnant?” Nathan scoffed. “Looks like you were walking around with the loaded weapon, Stella. Not me.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “What are you implying? That I knew I could get pregnant, but didn’t care enough to protect myself?”

  “I don’t know what the fuck to believe!” Nathan’s gut twisted into a thousand knots when Stella started crying again. But this time, it was because of him and they weren’t happy tears.

  Nathan wanted to hold her. He wanted to promise her a happy future with a happy family. He wanted to beg her forgiveness and promise he’d try to be a good dad.

  Instead, he went in a little bit of a different direction.

  “Is it too early to get an abortion?”

  Stella’s face hardened in a way he’d never seen before. “Are you…is that…” Stella searched his face. Her steely, dark eyes were latched on his and Nathan fought the urge to squirm in his seat. “That’s a bad joke, right, Nathan?” When he didn’t answer, she asked again. “Right?”

  “I don’t want a kid. I never have and I never will. I told you that in no uncertain terms that night, remember?” When Stella didn’t answer, he leaned in dramatically. “Remember, Stella?”

  She nodded stiffly, wrapping her arms around her midsection.

  Nathan exhaled a hard breath and shook his head. “What t
he fuck, Stella? You know you have to get rid of it, right? Please tell me you are not so ridiculous as to think you can keep this thing!”

  Stella stared at him for a long time before saying, “You are being unbelievably cruel right now, Nathan. Cruel and horrible. And you are breaking my heart.” Her voice was even and her expression hard, but tears were streaming down her face in a torrent. “I didn’t do this on purpose. I had given up on having biological children a long time ago. But it’s happened.”

  Stella inhaled deeply. “And I really don’t care what you think. I am thrilled. Beyond thrilled. I’m ecstatic and overjoyed and so happy I can’t even stand it. I would never, ever – not in a million years or for a million dollars – get an abortion. I love this baby.” Her voice cracked. “Our baby.”

  Nathan’s heart - the one he’d never thought existed before he’d met Stella – shattered into a thousand jagged pieces in his chest.

  Our baby.

  A piece of Stella.

  But also a piece of you.

  Stella stood. “I love this baby and I’m having it. Period. But you are absolved of any financial responsibility. Or responsibility of any kind. You are free. So don’t worry…you are not ‘fucking screwed.’” With a slight head tilt, she gestured toward the door. “And now I need you to leave.”

  “Stella-“

  “Get. Out.”

  “Wait a minute…” Nathan stepped toward her. It stung like hell when she flinched and stepped back.

  She went to walk by him. When Nathan reached out to stop her, she shoved at him. Hard. Stella stood on her tiptoes and pointed right in his face. “Don’t you dare touch me! Get the fuck out of my house! Now!”

  Holy. Shit.

  The sliding door swished open and Danny poked his head out. “Everything okay out here? I heard yelling.” He took in Stella’s tear-stained face. “Aw, honey.” Danny walked over and wrapped his arms around Stella and Nathan saw red.

  When Stella wrapped her arms around him and started sobbing into his chest, Nathan lost it.

  He slammed the door wall open so hard it bounced back on the tracks, slamming into his work boot. Nathan stormed through the dining room and into the kitchen.