All of Me Read online

  “Nine hundred and fifty-two.”

  Danny winced. “That mad, huh?”

  “I wouldn’t worry about me. You’ve gotta a guy out there who’s rocking about a nine million right about now. He’s a little pazzo and he carries a loaded gun.”

  “You ain’t kidding.” Danny whistled low and low. “I’ve know Drazek for a long time and I have never seen him that pissed. I’ve seen him kick people’s asses and not look that mad doing it.”

  “How long have you known Nathan?” Apparently Stella wasn’t too tired to grill Danny about his partner. Thank God Bobby wasn’t around to call her supposed fatigue into question.

  “Let’s see…” Danny paused. “Twenty years. We met when we were twelve.”

  “Wow. Did you guys meet in junior high?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Something like junior high? What does that mean?”

  Danny paused. “We lived in the same foster home together.”

  Her heart sank. “A foster home?”

  “Well, we met in the foster home then we got kicked out of the foster home. Then we lived in a youth home for about four years together until we got placed into separate foster homes. Nathan left his eventually to join the Army. I actually got lucky with my last foster home and stayed there until Nathan and I signed up for the academy.”

  “What…why were you in foster homes?” Stella shook her head. “I mean, I’m sorry if that’s too personal…”

  Danny waved off her concern. “Nah. My mom and dad couldn’t take care of me anymore, so I ended up in the system. It sucked, but nothing compared to what Nathan went through.”

  Another punch to the solar plexus. “What happened to him?”

  “Not my story to tell, Miss Ciaramitaro. Not my story to tell. You wanna hear that one, you’ve gotta get it from the horse’s mouth. If you can.” He straightened up and tapped the roof of Stella’s car. “You okay to drive?”

  “Um…yeah. Fine.” Still reeling from the newfound info, Stella said goodbye to Danny and rolled her window back up.

  Stella sat there for fifteen minutes. Thinking. Making plans and then scrapping them. Until she pulled out her phone and did something really, really shortsighted and downright stupid.

  She dialed the cell phone number Danny had given her the other night. Nathan’s number. And held her breath while it rang once…twice…three times…

  “Yeah?”

  Why did his voice have to sound sexier over the phone? How was that possible, even?

  “Nathan?”

  There was a long pause. So long Stella thought they’d been disconnected. “Nathan?”

  “Yeah. I’m here.” He sounded tired. Stella prayed it wasn’t because he’d been doing anything strenuous. With anyone. Named Nadia.

  “I got your number from Danny.” She inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. “It’s Stella.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out. What do you want?”

  She swallowed. “I’m sorry to bug you. You weren’t in the middle of anything, were you?”

  “Yeah. Sleeping.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. But I’m in the parking lot of The Stony Lonesome and my car won’t start.”

  “Have Bobby drive you home.”

  “Bobby is gone.”

  “What a gentleman. Just drove off, huh? Even after all that attention you paid him tonight?”

  Her stomach flipped at the jealousy dripping from his voice. “And Danny’s gone too.”

  “Call a cab.”

  Shit, she hadn’t thought of that.

  Stella scrambled. “I don’t like driving in cabs. Sometimes they pull over and assault you and rob you and stuff.”

  Nathan snorted. “And stuff? Is that the technical term?”

  “Nathan, please…”

  “Call your one of your sisters. Maybe Nina’s on duty. She can come haul your ass home.”

  Stella was perilously close to tears.

  See, this is why you never play games. You suck at them and never win anyway.

  She exhaled a shaky sigh – away from the receiver so he wouldn’t hear it. “Okay. I’ll give my sister a call.”

  She thought she heard him mutter something about her being an ‘enormous pain in the ass,’ but couldn’t be sure. And she was too tired and emotionally spent to ask.

  Stella cleared her throat. “Alright, I’m gonna let you get back to sleep now. Have a good night.”

  “I’m already on my way. Stay in your car. If your automatic locks aren’t working, lock them manually. And put your windows up. Do it now.”

  “The locks are working. Windows are up. I’m all set,” she replied with a grin she hoped he couldn’t hear through the phone. Stella was just so happy he was on his way. She would get to talk to him, touch him, and look at him for a while longer.

  Yeah, I’m cheesy and I sound like a lovesick 6th grader and I don’t care!

  It also meant he wasn’t with the devil woman and her ginormous boobs. At least not anymore.

  “We need to stay on the phone.”

  “Okay.” Stella settled back into her seat and smiled. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I said we had to stay on the phone. I didn’t say we had to talk.”

  “You are such a party pooper.”

  Nathan snorted. “I have to say, I’ve been called a lot of stuff, but never, ever a party pooper.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Fifteen minutes later, Stella climbed out of her car as Nathan parked and walked over. He looked as yummy in his tee shirt, windbreaker pants, and sneakers as he did in his uniform and dress clothes.

  Although, Stella couldn’t imagine very many scenarios in which Officer Drazek wouldn’t look good enough to eat.

  He gestured for her to step aside.

  “Why…what are you doing?” Stella asked, stepping in front of the driver’s side door.

  “Fixing your car.” Nathan gestured with a jerk of his head for her to get out of his way.

  “Uh, yeah, that’s not necessary. It does this sometimes.” Stella wracked her brain for anything that would make a smidgen of sense. “It just needs to rest.”

  Okay, not my finest work.

  Nathan’s brows rose. “Rest?”

  “Yeah, it gets overheated and just needs to…” Stella cleared her throat. “…rest. Cool off. It’ll be fine by morning.”

  “Let me try to turn it over and we’ll see what’s really going on here.”

  Stella huffed. “Listen, Mr. Fix-It, I know what’s going on here…no need to mess with things. I’ll let it cool off tonight and come back tomorrow. Okay?” Stella grabbed his arm and tried to pull him towards his truck, but the guy was way too big to move without his permission.

  He eyed her for a few long seconds. He seemed to decide it was easier to do what she wanted rather than fight because, with an unintelligible mutter under his breath, Nathan walked back to his car and Stella followed. He opened the door for Stella and helped her in. There was no graceful way for a woman in a short dress and heels to jump up into a huge SUV, so Stella was pretty sure Nathan had gotten an eyeful of leg. Or at least that’s what the sudden weirdness on his face suggested. Five seconds later, they were on their way.

  Stella glanced around. “Is this new?”

  “I’ve had it for about two years,” Nathan replied, eyes straight ahead on the road.

  “Two years? It still smells new and it’s spotless!”

  He shrugged.

  “My car looks like I live out of it.” Stella laughed. “My sister Gigi says Jimmy Hoffa is probably buried in there somewhere.”

  Nathan gave her a sideways glance she had no idea how to interpret.

  So she kept going. “Is your house this clean too?”

  Nathan nodded. His eyes were constantly scanning every building, person, and car they passed. Always on duty.

  Stella fidgeted with her bracelets. “So, did you and Nadine have a good time tonight?”

 
Nathan shrugged. “Nadia. Yeah. Fine.”

  “You guys were sure in a hurry to leave. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

  He scoffed. “I’m surprised you noticed. What, with all the dancing you and Bobby were doing.”

  “We danced once. Which you would have known if you’d stuck around.”

  He muttered, “Once was enough.”

  “I danced with Bobby. You and that ho damn near screwed right in front of everyone!

  “I didn’t so much as touch her. Unlike you with your patting and hugging and dancing!”

  Stella reared back. “Hugging? Really? When?”

  “You danced with him. That’s equivalent to hugging.”

  Stella laughed. “Oh, Nathan, you are too ridiculous. Seriously. At no point was my body pressing up against his body. Not even close. Technically, I guess we did hold hands, but that’s just a matter of proper dance positioning.”

  “I don’t care what you call it, I didn’t like it.”

  “Well, I didn’t like that flame-haired slut putting her hands all over you! At least Bobby was a gentleman! That bitch would have done you right on the table if you had let her!”

  Nathan smirked.

  “What?”

  “You do have a mouth like a sailor. And you’ve got quite a little temper on you, don’t you?”

  “I am 100% Sicilian, which means you have no idea what I am capable of.” He had the good sense to stop smirking. “Did you or did you not kiss Nadine?”

  “Nadia.”

  “Like I care. So did you?”

  “No.”

  “Did you have sex with her?”

  Nathan looked genuinely offended. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He shot her a look. “Did you have sex with Bobby?”

  Stella scoffed. “Yeah. I did. You left and Bobby and I banged in the bathroom.”

  Nathan swerved the Denali into her driveway, threw it into park, and returned her glare. Stella knew without a doubt if she’d been a man, they’d already be throwing punches; tussling on her front law.

  “What happened with you and that Shaker cop?” Nathan demanded.

  “Nothing. We dated, we broke up. No big deal.” She fumbled in her purse for her keys because she did not like where this was going.

  “Do not lie to me. I want an explanation. Now.”

  Stella’s head shot up. “Excuse me? I don’t need to explain anything to you! Thanks for the ride. Good night.”

  She found her keys and tried opening the passenger door. It was locked, so she hit the power unlock button and opened the door. Stella jumped down and slammed the door behind her. By the time she got to her porch, Nathan was right behind her.

  He stepped between her and the screen door. “Were you engaged to him? The Shaker cop?”

  Stella had had enough. This evening had gone from interesting to horrifying to infuriating to interesting again before taking this ugly turn into awful.

  She tried pushing him out of the way. “None of your business!” Tears welled and, when she pushed him again to no avail, she was beyond embarrassed to feel them slip down her cheeks. She dashed them away and stomped her foot. “Get out of my way! Please! I just want to be alone, Nathan!”

  Nathan was beyond horrified to see Stella’s tears. He hated any woman’s tears, but this? This was a whole different level. He was about to start tearing up – and he hadn’t cried in twenty years.

  This time when she tried pushing him out of the way, he let her. She opened the screen door, unlocked three deadbolts and a knob lock, and shouldered her front door open.

  Leave her alone. Go. Stop this.

  Nathan followed and shut the door behind him. Stella was crying in earnest now and Nathan heart’s felt like it might actually bust through his chest.

  “I can’t do this, Nathan. Not tonight. Not ever. I need you to leave. Please.”

  But he didn’t leave; couldn’t have left her if he’d wanted to. Which he didn’t. It was scary how much he didn’t want to leave her.

  Nathan approached and Stella retreated until the backs of her legs hit the couch. She lifted her hands. “Please…Nathan…please, no…”

  He pulled her into his arms and held tightly. Stella sobbed into his pecs; soaking the front of his shirt and smearing her eye makeup everywhere. Her hands went from pushing him away to grasping onto his shirt for dear life.

  “Little one…” Nathan stroked her dark waves. “Tell me what’s wrong. Now. So I can fix it.” Stella cried harder and Nathan cursed – not for the first time – his crap communication skills.

  “I’m sorry I brought the Shaker cop up. I was being an asshole. A jealous asshole. I didn’t meant make you cry. Please, Stella. Stop crying, please. It’s none of my business what happened. We don’t have to talk about it. It doesn’t matter.”

  A weird calm calm over Stella then. A few shuddering exhales and a deep inhale or two later, her hands unfurled, she let go of his shirt. When she looked up, her eyes were red-rimmed, swollen, and smeared with black. Her nose was as red as her eyes and her cheeks were still damp with tears. When she finally spoke, it was a whisper. But it was steely somehow. Cool.

  Nathan despised it.

  “Do you really want to know what happened, Nathan?”

  No.

  He nodded.

  “Are you sure? Because it’s really…” Stella’s voice caught. “…ugly.”

  Nathan nodded. He sat in an armchair, braced his forearms on his knees, and waited. For Stella to tell him some long, sordid story about her asshole ex. It would be difficult to hear, but he wanted to be here for her. As a friend, if nothing else.

  He…cared…about her. And would have ripped off his own arm to make her stop crying.

  His concern morphed into fascinated confusion as Stella gave him her back. He couldn’t see what she tossed behind the couch before turning back to face him. Her eyes latched securely onto Nathan’s, Stella hooked a finger into the thin strap of her dress and tugged.

  All thoughts of Nathan’s mostly altruistic attempt to talk about her past flew out the window as Stella slowly slipped the strap down over shoulder. She pulled her right arm through and did the same on the other side.

  Nathan was damn near panting. Couldn’t think of a single thing he wanted more than for Stella to reveal her beautiful body to his hungry, leering gaze. But something wasn’t right.

  “What are you-“

  Stella pressed her index finger up to her lips. “You wanted to know…to see, right?”

  Nathan nodded slowly.

  Once Stella had both straps hanging loose under her arms, she seemed to lose courage. More tears rolled down her face and Nathan could tell her whole body was shaking like a leaf from four feet away.

  Fuck this.

  Nathan went over and pulled her back into his arms.

  She pushed at his chest, trying to put space between their bodies. “I have to show you…so you know…so you understand…” Stella was pushing, Nathan was pulling, and somehow in the tangle of limbs and intentions, she grabbed his right hand and pressed it to the left side of her chest.

  Stella went limp; her only movement the involuntary trembles racking her body.

  Stella leaned into Nathan’s hand, pressing herself into his palm. “See, Nathan?” Her voice was low and strained.

  All Nathan saw was her beautiful face and all he felt was concern. He searched her eyes. “No, Little One. What are you trying to show me?”

  Her laugh was hollow. Humorless. “Something missing, Nathan? Go ahead. Feel around. But you’re bound to be disappointed.”

  Understanding dawned.

  Holy…shit…

  His palm was flat against her chest wall. There was no bump…no mound of flesh where there should be one. She didn’t have a breast there.

  But…what the…

  Honing in on his moment of realization, Stella nodded slowly. And gave him a tight smile he hoped he never saw again. “Bummer, huh?”

  Stella standing there, c
lutching the top of her dress to her chest, her dark brown eyes so full of fear…it would have killed her to know it, but she looked as vulnerable as a person could. And it damn near broke his fucking heart.

  “What…where…” Nathan shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

  “I had breast cancer. Stage III invasive ductal carcinoma. Six months ago. I had a unilateral mastectomy. I have no left breast. As you just felt.”

  Three thoughts popped up back to back: First, this woman was even more incredible than he’d imagined. Second, he thanked a God he wasn’t sure he believed in that Stella was alive. And third, he made a tenuous connection between what she’d just revealed to him and where this conversation had started.

  “Your ex…the Shaker cop…” Stella’s fingers went white clutching her dress so tightly. “What does your cancer have to do with him?”

  “Come on, Nathan. No guy is looking for a one-breasted woman, right? Not when there are so many girls with two. Of course, that’s not what Ryan said.” Stella exhaled a hard laugh. “Well, not to my face anyway.”

  Nathan’s blood pressure skyrocketed.

  “There was tons of talk about not being able to watch me in pain and how he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me. Blah, blah, blah.” Stella scoffed. “Ironic, huh? His fear of losing me led him to dumping me right in the middle of my third rounds of chemo and radiation? Anyway, he had a slightly different story for his buddies at the station. From what I heard, he wasn’t a big fan of the bald head, bleeding gums, and constantly vomiting. Oh, and lack of partying. People who are fighting for their lives are not much fun, apparently.” Stella smiled weakly. “Go figure.”

  Say something, you asshole. Anything. Make her feel better. Let her know you care about what she’s saying.

  “That guy is a fucking prick.”

  Well, it wasn’t Lord Byron prose, but it was the best Nathan could do at the moment.

  “He was. Obviously. But it wasn’t his behavior that hurt the most. It was knowing I had made such an error in judgment. I always thought of myself as a decent judge of character, but after that…” Stella shook her head. “Now I can’t trust anyone else, but I especially can’t trust myself.”

  He studied her face, taking it all in. Her black gypsy eyes. Her long, damp lashes. The smattering of freckles across her nose. Her slightly parted pink lips. The way she was looking back at him with such fear. And hope.