All of Me Page 8

  Run away. Get away from her as quickly as possible. Run. Now.

  Their eyes remained locked as Nathan stayed right where he was. They did their weird staring thing again. For a long time.

  Until she finally whispered, “Do you feel it? Nathan, you feel it too, right?”

  Nathan slowly shook his head.

  “Please don’t lie to me. Don’t pull any macho BS with me. Please.” She scooted closer and Nathan instinctively moved away. She scooted again. “It’s only us here. You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. And I don’t want anything from you. In fact, I really don’t want anything from you. I just want you to tell me that it’s happening to you too. Because I feel like I’m going crazy.”

  Join the motherfucking club.

  “I’m married,” Nathan blurted.

  She smiled sweetly. “No, you’re not.”

  “I have a girlfriend.”

  “No, you don’t. I called your partner and asked him. Because I can’t very well show up on your doorstep asking for a running partner if you have a girlfriend or are married, right? He also clarified the whole asking if I wanted his number thing.”

  Fucking Danny.

  Out of nowhere, Nathan was more honest with this wacky, terrifying woman than he’d ever been with anyone else. Although she really wasn’t giving him any other choice. She’d cornered him like a caged animal.

  “Listen, I’ve had a screwed-up life and I have a lot of issues. I do a lot of really fucked-up shit - shit you don’t want any part of. You are a really nice person and I’m sure you feel badly about stuff that went on and I appreciate that. But I cannot do this. I don’t want to be friends or anything else. And I really don’t want you showing up at my house anymore. It’s better for you. I swear it is. Nothing good will happen to your life if you have me in it. So let’s end this now. ‘Cause I am not looking for this. Ever.”

  A little crinkle appeared between her eyebrows as she studied his face. “What kind of fucked-up shit do you do?”

  This woman was something else. Nathan was torn between wanting to punch something and laugh.

  But any urge to laugh ended when she went to grab his hand.

  “And why are the backs of your hands and arms all scarred up?”

  “Goddamn it! None of your fucking business!” Nathan stood to storm off, but remembered her twisted ankle. Nathan bent down, hooking one arm under her knees and the other behind her back. With one tug, he pulled her up to his chest and took off toward her house.

  He chose not to wonder why touching her seemed normal or why something about her body in his arms felt very right. And why the warmth of her bare arms around his neck was the incredible sensation of his life. He didn’t notice or care how near her lips were to his face; that if he would have turned, their lips would have met. And he sure as fuck wasn’t shaking inside at the thought of doing exactly that.

  As he pounded the pavement toward her street, Stella tightened her arms and pulled herself a little nearer to his face. The warmth of her breath against his cheek and the sweet mint of her breath had his head spinning and his mouth watering. Without warning, Stella dipped her head and pressed her warm, soft lips against the stubbled skin of his jawline.

  Nathan stumbled.

  When she laughed, low and throaty, Nathan’s self-control snapped.

  He turned his head and took her gasp into his mouth as he captured her lips in a hard, deep kiss. The little moan following the gasp was his undoing. All thoughts of who he was, who she was, and why this was the worst idea on earth flew out of his mind as he thrust his tongue as deeply into her hot, little mouth as he could. And she gave as good as she got; biting at his lips, licking them, and then delving her tongue deep into his mouth. Stella’s hands held his face tightly to hers as they went at each other…right there in the middle of a suburban street at 6:30 in the damn morning.

  Nathan didn’t give a fuck. Everything fell away except her. He’d never had any urge, any compulsion, like the urge he was having to get inside of Stella Ciaramitaro right now. He’d never experienced anything like it before and knew he never would again. It was her…only her.

  Don’t do anything stupid, Stella, had been the family motto since Stella could remember. And with good reason. She’d always been the impetuous, emotional, passionate one. Always following her feelings instead of her head and it had gotten her into a lot of trouble.

  This situation with Nathan would no doubt be yet another example.

  But his arms had been so strong around her; his chest so hard and broad. He’d lifted her as if she’d weighed nothing. And the way he smelled…

  No warm-blooded, heterosexual woman alive could have resisted tasting him. He’d smelled like expensive cologne and man and cinnamon gum. As delicious as anything she’d ever smelled. And the actual taste of him was 500% better. Nathan Drazek was nothing like what he seemed and everything that appealed to her.

  Of course, it couldn’t go any farther than a kiss. Stella was missing parts that mattered to men and she was about to be missing one more of them. She’d never put herself through that humiliation again. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy a kiss – or ten – with the sexiest, most interesting man she’d ever met. No harm, no foul.

  He’d already said he wasn’t looking for anything either.

  Perfect.

  Their lips still fused together, Stella squirmed until he slowly, gently turned her in his arms. They were now front to front, with Nathan holding her tightly up against him. Stella’s legs wrapped around his waist and Nathan moaned deep inside of her mouth. His hands found her ass – grabbing hard and pulling her as close as humanly possible while still clothed.

  The sensations and emotions took over and she broke away from their kiss to bury her face in Nathan’s neck. Stella licked up his jugular and nipped at his jawline.

  “Oh, God…” Nathan dipped his head and found her lips again. They went at each other for what seemed like hours before an obnoxious car horn broke the spell.

  “Hey, get a room!” There was another long, loud horn honk. “This is a family neighborhood! Perverts!”

  Nathan pulled away, despite Stella’s best attempts to prevent it. He panted hard and hot against her neck as he lifted a hand up to the offended mini van family before they sped away.

  Stella exhaled a laugh in between her own panting. “I’ve never engaged in public indecency before. I guess it’s lucky I’m with a cop, huh?”

  Nathan looked down at her with that inscrutable face of his and Stella wished she knew what he was thinking.

  He’s probably thinking you’re a Badge Bunny who throws herself at every hot cop in Cleveland. That you’re not real adept at the art of playing hard to get. That you’re desperate and chatty and really nosy.

  That you’re still hanging on him like a wet towel.

  Stella loosened her grip and Nathan let her slide slowly down the front of his body until her feet touched the pavement. She’d felt his erection – how could she not? And she suddenly wondered if he’d noticed her lack of a breast at any time during their make-out session.

  “I’m…I, uh…” He gripped the back of his neck and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was.”

  Nathan seemed genuinely dazed and confused, which only made him more adorable.

  “I think we’ve got some serious chemistry or something going on here.” She studied his face appreciatively. “I’ve never felt anything like it before. You hear about lightning bolts and stuff like that, but I always thought it was crap. Just stuff that happens in the movies.” She laughed shakily. “Guess not, huh?”

  “That can’t happen again,” he said flatly, firmly, and any secret hopes Stella had about him declaring how affected he was too flew out the window.

  But he was right.

  She nodded, arms wrapping around her waist. “I agree. Totally. Can’t have that happen. Ever again.”

  “Good. Okay, good. That’s…yes, that’s good.” Nath
an dragged a hand down his face. “Yeah, let’s, uh, get you home.”

  His pained expression and stiff stance made it clear he’d decided putting his hands on her again was out of the question.

  “I can manage. You got us most of the way here,” Stella said. “We’re ten houses down. I’ll be fine.”

  With a muttered curse, he picked her up again. “Keep your lips off my neck. And my face. Please.”

  He got her home in record time and deposited her on her front porch. Before Stella could thank him, he was off again at what could have been interpreted as an insulting pace. He looked like one of those vampires in Twilight, moving at the speed of light.

  It took Stella a few attempts to get the shaky hand holding the key to work properly. Stella let herself in and sank into a kitchen chair, still holding her iPod and keys. She stared unseeing at the wall for a while before dragging herself into the bathroom.

  Between the walking and the making out, she was a sweaty mess. Shorts, undies, socks, and shoes shucked, all that remained were her bra and tee shirt. Stella pulled off her shirt and stared at the deflated left cup of her bra.

  “It shouldn’t have mattered. It was only skin and fat and cancer. None of that should have mattered. None of it has anything to do with my self-worth and the things I have contributed - and will continue to contribute - to the world. I love myself and I have many people who love and appreciate me.”

  They were statements she’d been repeating to herself over and over for a year. Statements her therapist, Jen, and she had come up with to empower her and minimize Ryan’s impact on her self-esteem. No, on more than that. On her whole view of relationships and love and the world.

  And she believed those statements – she really did. Her breast had only been skin, fat, and cancer and it had to go.

  Buh-bye.

  Stella’s mom had held onto her breasts for too long and it had cost her her life. And she’d had a husband who would have loved her unconditionally. It would have been pure stupidity to think about hanging onto it for vanity. Or to keep a man. It had never crossed Stella’s mind. Not once. And it wouldn’t cross her mind to keep the other one either.

  Stella took off her bra and cupped her “good” boob.

  It was nice, she’d give it that. The other had been nice too. Always did her proud in bikini tops, v-necks, and, of course, totally naked. But it had tried to kill her and so it had to go. And this one would have to go too.

  Stella traced the mastectomy scar and wondered what Nathan would think of her chest.

  You’re supposed to be past caring what people think of your body. You’re supposed to be over all that. Why can’t you just let it go? And it’s not like he’d ever see it anyway! Ridiculous!

  Stella traced the scar again.

  “It shouldn’t have mattered. It was only skin and fat and cancer. None of that should have mattered. None of it has anything to do with my self-worth and the things I have contributed…”

  Chapter Ten

  Danny turned the Bon Jovi song on the cruiser radio down a couple of notches. “Hey, you busy Friday night?”

  “No, why?”

  “I thought maybe we could hit that new exhibit at the CMA and have some dinner.”

  “Oh, so you wanna take me on a date? You should have just said so.” Nathan quirked a brow. “But since when do you like museums?”

  “Well, it wouldn’t be just you and me…” Danny shrugged. “I thought maybe you and Stella could double with me and that girl Penelope I met the other night.”

  Nathan’s gaze turned deadly. “Is that a joke? Stella and I are not dating. We are not a couple and we are not ‘doubling’ anywhere with you.”

  “Come on, buddy! I really want to get with this girl, but she’s all cultured and shit. Stella is smart. She said her first degree was in art history. She can help me pull this off!”

  “She told you her…how long was that conversation you two had?”

  “Not long. She asked me some stuff and I asked her some stuff.” Danny grinned, unwrapping a piece of gum and popping it into his mouth. “Don’t get all jealous and start swinging. It was a perfectly respectful conversation. I really like her. I approve 100%.”

  Nathan’s teeth ground into his jaw. “I am not jealous. I have no reason to be jealous. She isn’t my girlfriend. Or anything else. And I couldn’t care less if you approve of it. It doesn’t exist.”

  “Uh-huh.” Danny chomped away and Nathan considered swinging on him for other reasons. “Well, then you won’t care if I ask Bobby to double with us, right?”

  “Bobby Luciano?”

  “Yeah. I think Stella and Bobby will get along great. They’ve got the whole Italian thing going on, you know?” Danny glanced sideways at Nathan. “So, you don’t care? You and Stella aren’t a couple or anything, so it shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

  Nathan pulled at his suddenly too-tight uniform collar. “Why would I care? Go for it. You’d better warn Bobby though - the woman doesn’t shut up. She talks and talks and talks. It’s enough to make you crazy.”

  Danny nodded thoughtfully. “Talks a lot. Okay. Yeah, I can see how watching those sweet lips move over and over again would be a total turn-off.”

  Nathan hadn’t thought about anything but those sweet lips moving for the past forty-eight hours, since they’d been on his skin and his lips and whispering in his ear.

  He’d barely slept. Jerking off ten times hadn’t made a dent and neither had working out until both hands were bloody rags.

  Stella had said she felt like she was going crazy and that’s precisely how Nathan felt. He felt like he was losing his mind.

  And now he was thinking about her with Bobby-fucking-Luciano…Italian Stallion extraordinaire.

  Nathan rolled down the window and gulped some cool night air. It was either that or smash out the windshield.

  “I know, instead of inviting Stella and Bobby, why don’t you come with that chick who’s been panting after you for years.” Danny snapped his fingers. “What’s her name? Nadia? The secretary from the station?”

  Nathan would no sooner date Nadia than shove pins into his eyes. She was a typical badge chaser: hot for anyone in a uniform. And relentless. She wore shirts that showed off her cleavage and heels so high she teetered when she walked. For some reason, she’d been after Nathan for a while. He figured he might be one of the only ones left she hadn’t screwed yet – thus, the allure. Nathan had never considered, for a millisecond, spending any time with Nadia, but the idea suddenly seemed to have some merit.

  “Yeah, sure, I’ll go with Nadia. Friday night. Yeah, that sounds good.”

  Relief flooded his body, but he didn’t allow himself to examine why too closely. All he knew was that Stella was not going on a date with Bobby Luciano and that was good enough for him.

  ***

  If Stella had a brain in her head, she wouldn’t be doing this. But she really wanted to go to that new Regency exhibit at the Cleveland Museum of Art and none of her sisters could (or would) go with her.

  Sure, it was going to be weird being a third wheel to a guy she’d only met a few times and his date, but Stella was feeling restless these days. A Friday night out (instead of playing Scrabble with Pops) might be just what she needed blow off a little steam.

  Plus, Danny said his date was really into art history, so maybe she’d even make a new history nerd acquaintance.

  The plan was to meet Danny and his date, Penelope, at a chic new restaurant downtown , The Stony Lonesome. From the restaurant, they’d hit the exhibit at the CMA.

  Stella considered swinging by Nathan’s on her way downtown. They’d agreed not to make out, but they hadn’t agreed not to talk. Or go to museums together. Maybe if she stopped by and he saw her in her little black dress and heels, he’d lose all conviction and kiss her again. Her fake boob was in and she was looking really good…

  Stella sighed. Because she shouldn’t wish for things that went against what she knew was best.
And being alone – to face what was to come and beyond – was best for now. Sexy-as-hell cops with mental health hang ups weren’t going to fit into her plan. So Nathan was really doing them both a favor.

  Then why do I want to bust down his door and take him against his will?

  Stella sighed. Again. There would be no accosting of police officers in their own homes tonight. The best she could hope for was good food, good conversation, and a great trip to the museum. And that would have to be enough.

  Stella made the drive downtown, valet parked her cherry red Chevy Malibu, and entered the restaurant.

  And almost turned right back around.

  Because The Stony Lonesome wasn’t the pretentious meat market she’d expected. It was romantic. Like roaring fireplaces/candlelit tables/strolling violinists romantic.

  Shiiiiiiiiiit.

  Stella reminded herself she’d been in uncomfortable positions before and lived. Like the time Nina and Carla had invited her to a lesbian bachelorette party. Stella had spent six hours explaining she wasn’t gay, bi, or bi-curious. She’d wished she was that night because she certainly would have had a better time. She’d nearly strangled her sister on the way home and she was feeling only slightly less murderous toward Danny right now.

  But ‘slightly less’ went out the window as Stella approached the table she’d spotted Danny and his date at only to find another man there. Next to some empty chairs…one of which Stella could only presume was for her.

  Dear God, no…

  “Hey, Stella!” Danny waved her over. Stella plastered on the best smile she could muster and walked up. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her hands were clammy, and she thought she might throw up the PB&J she’d eaten for lunch.

  Stella didn’t do blind dates. Never had and never would. They were awkward, weird, and downright scary. And yet here she was.

  I will kill him. I will gather my clan and march on his home. I will tear him to pieces and feed him into a wood chipper…

  Stella’s violent plans were interrupted when the other guy stood and extended his hand. “Hi, I’m Bobby Luciano. You must be Stella. Nice to meet you.”