All of Me Read online

  “Stella…”

  She sighed. “I still don’t understand what you want me to do. I’m the last person he would want to see.”

  “Well, he’s been screaming your name over and over again for the past two hours. It sounds like a goddamned revival of A Streetcar Named Desire over here.”

  Stella melted. A little. “Fine. I’ll come down. If only to witness this shit-show for myself.”

  “Thank you, Stella. I’ve got a squad car on its way for you right now.”

  “That was a bit presumptuous.” Stella shoved her feet into her Converse sneakers and threw on her favorite OU zip up sweatshirt.

  “Yeah. Maybe. But I was pretty sure you’d come.”

  Stella harrumphed. “Well, I’m at my sister Gigi’s, so they’ll have to pick me up here. 979 Parkwood. I’m ready when they get here.”

  They got off the phone and Stella wrote a note out for Gigi and Marco so they wouldn’t freak when they woke up and realized she wasn’t there. About five minutes later, a black SUV cop car pulled in. Stella pulled the front door shut and skipped down the front steps.

  The officer, a young, good-looking guy (naturally, considering Stella was a hot mess) got out and opened the passenger door for her. “Hey. You must be Stella. I’m Steve. Thanks for coming.”

  They had a nice fifteen minute chit-chat session on the way downtown, mostly centering on Steve’s new Pug puppy. Steve was a sweet guy, but Stella hardly heard a word he said. Her body was jittery from the fight, the crying, the lack of sleep, and the adrenaline rush surging through her body.

  They pulled onto a side street and then down a dark, rain-soaked alley. Stella spotted the cruiser halfway down the alley. When she opened her door to get out, she heard Nathan screaming.

  “He’s a great officer and we all have off nights.” Steve looked at the cruiser, then back at Stella. “But good luck. You’re gonna need it.”

  Danny met her halfway. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Nathan’s thrashing body bouncing around the back of the cruiser. “See what I’m saying? Totally out of control.”

  “Uh, yeah. I guess so.” Stella noticed four officers milling near the cruiser. “Nobody’s in there with him?”

  “We tried, but nobody was in the mood to be kicked or head-butted.” Danny’s lips turned up slightly. “At least he isn’t spitting or shitting himself. Yet.”

  The four officers nodded their greetings as she walked up. When Stella tried to open the driver’s side door, one put his hand against the door, preventing her.

  “You can’t go in there,” he said in a patronizing tone Stella was in no mood for. “He’ll hurt you. Just talk to him through the window.”

  She shoved his arm out of the way and tried to open it again. When he did it again, Stella got pissed.

  “Move your arm or he’s not going to be the only one kicking and screaming,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Let her go in. She knows what she’s doing,” Danny said from behind her.

  The officer slowly lowered his arm and stepped aside. Stella rolled her eyes as she yanked open the cruiser door.

  She was met by a hoarse, but still loud, barrage of incoherent rambling. Nathan was on his side, face to the back, kicking at one of the back doors. It was a jarring, upsetting thing – to say the least – to see Nathan in this kind of shape. She knew he prided himself on always being so in control and unflappable. At least in front of other people – and especially his colleagues.

  When she made out her name in the midst of his tirade, Stella pulled the door shut behind her and positioned herself on her knees in the driver’s seat. She leaned over and touched Nathan’s shoulder. “Nathan.”

  He stilled immediately, but didn’t turn around. His rambling stopped.

  “Nathan…it’s Stella. Can you turn around and talk to me?”

  “Stella?” he whispered throatily.

  “Yes, I’m here.”

  Nathan twisted to face her – no small feat with his battered hands cuffed behind his back.

  God, he looked awful. Bloodshot eyes, flushed face, and a split lip. And the haunting, intense way he was staring at her was breaking her heart.

  “I’m a little out of it.” He blinked a few times, trying to focus on her face. “Am I dreaming?”

  “A little out of it might be an understatement, Nathan.” She ran her hand over his head. “But you’re not dreaming. I’m here. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was weak as hell. She’d melted. Fast. But he was such a mess and he’d been calling her name.

  I’m only human.

  “Stella, I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry.” Nathan kicked at the side door with both feet.

  “Uh-uh. No more of that,” she said to him and he stopped. Stella opened the side door and found Danny. “Can you uncuff him, please? He’s calmer and it’s difficult to have a conversation with him this way.”

  “Ma’am, he’s drunk. And pissed off about something,” an older officer said. “Something related to you, assuming you’re Stella?” When she nodded, he shook his head. “Yeah, not a good idea.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. He won’t hurt me,” Stella replied. To Danny, she said, “Uncuff him. Please.”

  Danny tossed her his keys. “You’d better do it. He’s bound to head butt me if I get that close. It’s the one on the green ring.”

  Stella got back in and slammed the door behind her.

  “Stella?”

  “Hmmm-hmmm?” She searched for the green ring on Danny’s janitor-sized key ring.

  “I’m sorry, baby. So sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

  Did he just call her baby? He must have polished off the entire bottle.

  “We can talk about that in a minute.” Stella climbed over the front seat and landed on Nathan’s side. She scooted back a little and tried getting at his wrists.

  “You feel so good, Stella. So fucking good.” He squirmed, trying to do God knew what. “I want to be inside of you, Stella. So bad.” Nathan craned his neck. “Come here, baby. I want to taste you.”

  Stella laughed. “Oh, Nathan, you are too much. You’re handcuffed in the backseat of a police car, drunker than a skunk and all beat up. There are at least six police officers standing two feet from us right now, so there’s no lovin’ in your immediate future. Sorry.” She unlocked the handcuffs and pulled them off. “Let’s start with getting you upright, okay?”

  Stella tossed the cuffs and the keys over the front seat and pushed Nathan into a semi-upright position. She settled in next to him, turning to face him with one leg tucked beneath her. “What happened tonight, Nathan?” His head seemed too heavy for his neck and it teetered as he tried to focus on her face. “Danny said you got drunk and started fighting people.”

  “I had to. To forget. I said the worst things to you.” He banged his head against the window. “So! Fucking! Stupid! I’m such a fucking asshole!”

  Stella grabbed his chin and turned his face to hers. “You’re gonna stop that right now or I’ll leave and let them haul your ass to jail, Nathan. So stop the hurting yourself stuff. Now.”

  “I knocked a hole in your wall. And I broke your doorframe. I said horrible shit to you. I hurt you.” His bloodshot eyes searched hers. “I told you I was a fuck-up, Stella. See? I’m a monster. Do you see now, Stella? Do you see now how evil I am? You’ve gotta get away from me. Before I destroy you.”.

  Stella scoffed. “You’re not a monster or evil or a fuck-up. You’re guy who has survived a lot of really bad stuff. You need to get help to work through it, but you’re salvageable.” She smiled. “Barely.” Stella pulled him into a hug. He melted into her like she usually melted into him. “And I’m not that easy to destroy, remember? I’m kind of a badass.”

  When Nathan tried to push her back onto the seat and get on top of her, Stella laughed throatily. She shoved him back upright. “Not so fast, Don Juan. I’m not into exhibitionism, so it’s gonna have to wait
until we get home.”

  “Home.” Nathan stared at her so intensely it brought tears to Stella’s eyes. “You are my home, Stella. You know that, right? The only home I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

  Aaaaaand more tears.

  “Thank you for saying that, mio caro. It means the world to me. And you know I feel the same way.”

  “I looked those words up, Stella. Mio caro. You said them to me the other day too.” Nathan searched her eyes. “You are calling me your darling.”

  “And you are. My darling and my sweetheart and my honey and all that stuff,” Stella said. She kissed him quickly, laughing when he tried to press her back again.

  Stella climbed back over the front seat and out of the car. She tossed Danny the keys and the cuffs. “I think he’s good to go now.”

  “I’ll drive him home,” Danny said, clipping his keys to his belt.

  “Do you mind taking us both back to my place? He really shouldn’t be alone right now. And I want to monitor his condition.”

  Danny nodded. “No problem.”

  It took three officers to extract Nathan from the backseat of the cruiser and put him in the backseat of Danny’s Jeep Commander. They thanked the other officers and took off.

  Nathan was snoring by the time they got onto the expressway.

  Danny shot Stella a look. “That was some magic you pulled back there. He went from a raving psycho to a harmless little puppy dog in thirty seconds flat.”

  “He’s in a lot of pain. And he has been for a long time. But you already know that.” Stella glanced at his sleeping form. “He wants to do the right thing…to be ‘normal’ – whatever that means. He just doesn’t know how. And it’s no big secret why. It’s a miracle he’s not a violent criminal instead of the sweet guy he is.”

  “So he told you everything?” Danny asked. “Even the stuff about his dad?”

  “Yeah. I pushed him. And I wouldn’t back down. I think he felt like a caged animal and he lashed out. He told me everything – from his childhood to the stuff he does now. Well, yelled it at me, more like it.”

  “That must have been one helluva scene. He is not a fan of thinking about that stuff, let alone talking about it. You must have pushed pretty damn hard.”.

  “I did. Probably too hard. But it needed to happen eventually. He deserves for me to know everything about him – good and bad. He needed to know that I could hear the ugliest stuff and still love him. Unconditionally. Which I do. And maybe now he’ll be able to accept that.” Stella tilted her head back and closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted.

  “He’s one lucky bastard,” Danny said quietly.

  Stella smiled. “Don’t be so quick to make that judgment. I’m a huge pain the ass and I’ve got my own baggage. It’s not as violent and ugly as Nathan’s, but it’s still a lot to deal with. Like I told him, we’ve all got our shit…some of us just hide it better than others.” She yawned. “But he’s handled my crap like a champ. I never thought I’d find someone like him.” She propped her elbow on the doorframe and rested her cheek against her palm. “I’m the lucky one.”

  Stella drifted off.

  Danny spent the rest of the trip to her house thanking whatever deity actually existed that his best buddy in the world might actually have a fighting chance after all.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Jesus…”

  Someone was jack-hammering his skull.

  Nathan moved.

  Bad idea.

  His entire body hurt – from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet. Every muscle felt pulled and every nerve ending felt frayed.

  His eyes were still closed, but he could tell his hands were all messed up. They felt like they were twice their normal size and were as stiff as boards.

  Shit.

  Memories flooded back, bit by bit. Piece by piece. He’d left Stella’s house and gone home. After running and weight lifting and pacing, he’d gotten into his car, unsure of where he was heading. When he ended up at a random bar downtown, Nathan had stopping thinking and started drinking.

  He’d needed to drown out the horrific way he’d treated Stella…the evil things he’d said to her and the damage he’d done to her house. Because last night he’d become the one thing he’d spent his entire life trying to avoid:

  Violent.

  Toward someone who hadn’t posed him or anyone else physical danger.

  His lack of self-control had been inexcusable. But instead of going back to Stella and begging her forgiveness, Nathan became another thing he’d always sworn not to: an out of control, drunken asshole.

  He remembered some of it. The way the bourbon had burned his throat. Arguing with the bartender about getting cut off. Getting physical with other guys at the bar for god-knew-what-reasons. The cops showing up. Getting cuffed and tossed into the back of a squad car.

  Nathan rolled onto his back and flung his forearm over his eyes.

  I’m probably in a drunk tank.

  Except it was way too peaceful for that. There was no blinding light, drunken screaming, or agonizing sounds of detoxers. And the softness beneath him was no jailhouse cot.

  He heard a little soft sigh. A feminine sigh. And a warm body curled into his.

  The revulsion slammed into him like a Mack truck. To the face.

  Oh, my God. What have I done?

  You got drunk and fucked a stranger, that’s what, you asshole!

  Oh, God…Stella…

  Nathan cracked his lids. Because he had to get the hell out of this woman’s bed. He didn’t know when or how he’d ended up here or how he’d even been able to screw this woman, but needed to leave. Now.

  Nathan blinked a bunch of times to clear his blurry vision and pressed his fingers into his eyes. When he opened them again, he tried focusing on the ceiling. Because he couldn’t look at her. Didn’t want to see her. Couldn’t handle facing what he’d done face-to-face.

  But then he noticed the light fixture in the middle of the ceiling. It was familiar…a unique chandelier…with clear and crimson crystals…

  Stella’s chandelier.

  Nathan’s head whipped to the side and, once his brain stopped swimming and his vision corrected itself, his entire body flooded with relief.

  He was in Stella’s bed. With Stella. Again, he had no idea when or how he’d ended up here. And he really hoped this wasn’t some drunken fantasy.

  He grabbed her and yanked her limp, sleeping form to his chest. Nathan buried his nose in her coconut and vanilla hair and tried not to be too embarrassed at the wetness gathering in the vicinity of his eyes.

  Thank God.

  “Ooomphf.” Stella was twisting her head all around. She said something incoherent and pushed at Nathan’s chest. He released her just enough for her to turn her face. “Can’t. Breathe.”

  “Oh, God, Stella, I’m sorry.” Nathan released his hold.

  Stella laughed quietly, her eyes still closed. She nuzzled into Nathan’s chest and he put his arms back around her. Much more loosely this time though. She sighed and fell back asleep.

  Nathan couldn’t stop inhaling her scent. He was like some kind of creepy huffer as he took in Stella’s scent over and over again. He gently skated his fingertips up and down her spine over her thin tee shirt. Nathan caressed the bare skin of her arm and pushed her dark waves off her cheek. He stared at her face so hard he thought it might wake her up.

  She was so beautiful it hurt. He loved every freckle on her face. Every inch of her skin. Every mark and line and feature on her body.

  He loved her laugh, her soft sighs, and the way she gazed up at him like some kind of fucked-up Superman. Her honesty and passion and kindness. Her acceptance. The way she didn’t let him get away with anything. The way she took care of him. The way she let him take care of her.

  He loved her. So much it was nearly unbearable. So much he couldn’t breathe or think straight or do anything except stare at her lying in his arms like it was the
most natural thing on earth.

  And she’d said she loved him yesterday.

  But that had been before he’d spilled all of his dirt. And yelled at her and thrown things and broken her door. She couldn’t possibly still feel that way.

  And yet here they were. Tangled up together in her bed. Stella was lying in his arms and he was about to pinch himself to see if he was dreaming because something this incredible couldn’t possibly be happening.

  Not to me.

  And then the incredible became even more surreal as Stella sleepily, lazily nuzzled his neck; kissing and nipping and licking at his skin as her tight little body undulated against his.

  Nathan groaned as she hooked a leg over his hip and pressed their pelvises together. At the feel of his rock hard erection, Stella made an “mmmm” noise in the back of her throat that had Nathan panting.

  Stella reached down between their bodies, grabbed Nathan’s erection through his boxers, and pulled it toward her crotch.

  Nathan groaned, eyes closing, and pressed himself into her hand.

  Stella’s little, impatient moan and not-so-little tug on his dick made him smile.

  Yes, ma’am.

  Nathan pulled his erection out of the flap in his boxers and grabbed a hold of Stella’s upper thigh draped over his hip. It didn’t take a road map to find the warm, sweet wetness between her legs and, in one strong thrust, Nathan entered her completely – hilt to tip.

  Stella cried out; pulling her hips back slightly only to push them forward and fully impale herself on his dick again. And then again. And then again.

  Nathan buried his hand in her hair and gently tugged back. The moment her lips were within reach, he went after them; delving into the depths of her mouth hard. Stella sucked at his tongue and scratched her nails down his chest as she fucked him over and over and over again.

  Nathan pulled back from the kiss to look down at their bodies coming together and pulling apart and coming back together. It was the hottest, most erotic thing he’d ever seen in his life: watching his dick pleasure the woman he loved. It sounded nasty, even to him, but there was no other way to describe it. It was wet, it was frenzied, and it was the magnificent thing he’d ever seen. Or felt.